Gouache

A friend had suggested making small daily paintings as a way to keep working in strange times. I love the fast and bold color characteristics of gouache. It's not like watercolor which depends on the luminosity of the page to keep the pigments rich. It's opaque and stands on its own. I was able to make 25 of these studies. I was thinking about the modulation of color as well as the density of the paint. One of the beautiful aspects of gouache is their chalky opacity. I enjoy when the paint begins to build up and cake. It's a similar experience as looking at a person who uses too much makeup to cover over blemishes or imperfections and you can see the caking of pigment over skin. I like that moment of insecurity. It feels common and known, but not talked about or addressed. 

My goal was to let these quick paintings inform the lager oil paintings. I have a tendency to overpaint surfaces, too much of a love for Ryder and not enough respect for the northern Flemish painters. In my mind there's a tension between density and luminosity. One where I struggle to find balance. 

Waterlight

Tucson was beautifully wet this past summer. It was nice to play with watercolors while feeling wet light all around. This was my favorite. 
 

The things you said

I've not had very many romantic relationships in my lifetime. The few that I have had have meant quite a bit to me. My last one was the most intense, deep, and in the end, painful I've ever experienced.  The connection we had was uncanny-- communication existed on multiple levels where we were able to reach a profound sense of self. We broke because of a disagreement of approach and intent toward the future. But of course I realize there are always many sides and interpretations to these events. Long after the end there was still intense pain filled with voices and visions.  I still hear so many of things that were said which always seemed atypical for the place we'd discovered together. These drawings were/are an attempt to purge these phrases from my mind. Sometimes with success and other times not so much. I don't think this is the final form for these drawings. Right now they're so brutal in approach-- contrasting graphite with handprints, over stencils on paper. But I do think the immediacy comes close to the pain of the cruelty of those words said in moments of heat and anger. 

The light of now

Here's one of the observational light pieces. I wanted to open up that sweet painterly space where vision is sensitized and color glows in every corner. This piece is based on seeing and experiencing light changing and unfolding over time. I love walking and watching the light set in the Tucson sky. It changes from season to season and as cloud formations clutter the sky, or as I learned recently the alpenglow. I was also thinking about the delicate nature of life, the scrim of existence, or the lace of a beautiful fabric--those things that are momentarily here but quickly vanish. To literally paint those things is one thing, but to try and capture it with paint through experience is quite another thing. 

 

Another ending

Ooolala, it's been a long time since I've posted anything here. And so many changes over the past 5 years: divorce, a new and then lost love, a new recently purchased house, friends returning from far away, growing kids, wrinkling skin, greying and receding hair, this pandemic and now another studio move. Ugh. It's so difficult to settle into a new work space and to then find yourself unexpectedly searching for something else. 

Need to try and bookmark this moment in time. After a very difficult and complex break-up, it took a long time to find momentum for painting. It's a little frustrating to have to break that force. But a painter friend reminded me that I've been through this before (this is my 5th studio move in 6 years), and I'll catch the momentum again. I have to admit though it's so hard to stay in a painter's mind when the complexities of life and children are ever present.  

Have been working on 3 groups of things this past year: fast gouache pieces on paper, word drawings on paper and oil paintings (a quick set on paper just to get working & the beginning of light studies on canvas).